What a mess

Have you ever had a drastic and unexpected turn in your life? Not easy.

I have always been that kind of person that organises every single detail in life because there's no other way to obtain calm. Now that my life has been turned around, I have for the first time no plan, and I am definitely not calmed. Scary, but exciting.

I think that planning your life is something that helps you achieve your goals and also to feel confident about your future. You think "I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that..." and then you end up doing nothing. But you know what? Planning is boring. I just realised that. What's the point of living a life in which if you already know exactly how your days are going to be, what are you going to do and how are you gonna feel. Boring. Yeah, life is hard, but you still have to find a way to live it with passion, otherwise I don't see the point of doing something. My whole life was set and for some time I thought that that was it, that I had to stick to that plan I created because it was everything I wanted and worked for. But is this what I wanted now? That's what I had to figure out, and it was harder than I expected, cause knowing what you want is never easy.

There are situations in life where you must follow your heart because there is no other way to solve them, given that many times the mind is not strong enough. You will know when these situations appear, you will feel something in your breast that will tell you that the right thing to do is to just follow your heart. When your mind and your heart are thinking in completely different ways, it is really hard to understand these feelings and be able to make a decision, but you gotta get your shit together and act up, cause the world doesn't wait and you cannot waste your time.

So I did that, I filled up myself with courage and followed my heart, destroying everything I built before on my way.

"What the hell am I doing? Did I just go mad? Am I really doing this?"- I asked myself constantly...

But then everytime I had so many questions, I tried to answer them to myself as clear as I could, in order to help me understand the reason behind all of this. And to be honest, it helps. Experiencing drastic changes in your life is hard and crazy. You might feel lost and without a direction, but someone once said that there will always be a spark of light that will guide you, even in the darkest moments, and that's completely true.

So now I am building a new life on my own. Different. Exciting. Crazy. And scary. I would never have thought a person could change so much in so little, and how this change would make me become a new self. It's always very sad and hard to leave the past apart, and there are moments and people that will always stay in your heart, but sometimes you must be brave and take a step in order to achieve happiness, right?

Now every day when I wake up I repeat myself "Step by step, everything will be fine. Don't be so hard on yourself and do what you really want". Try it, affter that, I think you should be ready to take on the world.